Don't tell Justin but...

>As much as I hate to admit it, I have a pretty great husband.
rom the beginning he has stepped up to the plate. He took on the challenge of a single woman with 2 daughters without batting an eye. He didn't just tolerate those daughters, he loved them and cared for them from the very first day. Just over a month after taking on that challenge, he was right there with us when we packed everything up and moved from Texas to Maine. He went from a bachelor with no responsibilities (except to make his bed every morning), to a committed father of 2 growing girls, providing for them both financially and emotionally. Our family grew, and so did the challenges that come with being a reaponsible adult and a productive member of society. But Justin never flinched. Every addition, whether it was furry , feathered or other, he took in stride. He attends every parent teacher conference and every school concert. He didn't just watch in the bakground when Leah started playing hockey, he volunteers, got certified and helps coach. When Natalie wanted to try field hockey, a sport neither of us knew anything about, he spent several hours on the computer learning the rules, strategies, game play etc. He kisses boo-boos, drives kids to friends houses, grocery shops, endures the eye rolling of a certain pre-teen, and still makes sure to kiss everyone goodnight. If you point it out to him, you will mostly receive a shoulder shrug and a "whatever" in response.<br>
And his secret greatness doesnt end with the kids. He tells me I am beautiful when I am in my pjs and a ponytail. He laughs when I act goofy, but doesn't ever make fun of me for it. He surrenders the house twice a week (at least) to the Odyssey of the Mind teams that I have decided to coach. He tells me when I am taking on too much or going too far with something, but never tries to stop me from doing things that make me happy. He buys me great gifts every year and doesn't complain at my complete and utter ineptity when it comes to buying him gifts. Every Thursday he brings me home a Pepsi. He washes dishes, folds laundry, balances the check book, rescues us from bugs (though that he does make fun of us for), ties little shoe laces, wipes little noses AND little butts...I really could go on and on. But my one favorite thing about him (besides his amazing blue eyes) is that he does all of these things every day because he loves us. He's an amazing Dad and husband, though he never HAD to do it.

I'm an evil mother

Yes, it's true. I am an evil mother. Atleast according to my children. I am full of rotten deeds, like making them shower, brush their teeth and go to bed at an hour that will ensure they get an adequate amount of sleep. Some nights I even make everyone sit at the dinner table, AT THE SAME TIME, and eat all together and talk to each other. But my ne'er-do-well ways dont end there! I also break up arguements, punish them when they do things that they have known for years that they are not allowed to do (ie- "hey, I am mad at my sister, I think I should punch her."), and try to make sure they have something to eat for dinner every night (the evil part of this one- I dont always serve everyone favorite dish every night! Sometimes there are things on their plate they don't like.....so I ask them to just leave it and keep their oppinions to themselves! MUAHAHAHAH!!!!!). I am sure that my evilness is causing them years and years of trauma and that some day they will have to  invest thousands of dollars in therapy because their wicked mother wouldnt allow them to sign up for too many extracurricular activities so that they wouldnt wear themselves out and miss out on the limited amount of time they have to just be kids. And they will pour their hearts out to said therapist, weeping about how awful it was to be forced to play outside, without ANY electronic devices, every summer.  They will lament the time spent without cable TV because Mommy Dearest wanted them to actually interact and do something useful with their brains instead of letting them rot watching episode after episode of Disney shows that stress to young girls how important it is to have the biggest, nicest, newest stuff so that you can be a better person.
But what would happen if they saw all the evilness that goes on behind the scenes? I mean, many of my best evil work is a result of extensive planning! Those dinners they are fed so evilly every night? Those are the result of a carefully planned menu, done monthly and a few well-orchestrated grocery shopping trips (and how I love those! Is there anything more enriching then spending 2-3 hours in an over crowded walmart with hundreds of strangers, digging through poorly stocked shelves?! HEAVEN!). Not to mention the time I actually spend cooking those meals- stirring, seasoning, baking...all while laughing at the genius of its sheer evility!! And to make sure I am able to punish everyone with showers sufficiently, I have to make sure not everyone takes a shower on the same night or at the same time. To ensure that everyone has their proper dose of warm water, I make sure they spread those showers out throughout the day (SOOO MEAN!!!!!).
Gosh, with all my evil, mean, nastiness, how will my poor children ever survive?

Doesn't Everyone?

Tuesday night I was enjoying a little hockey mom time, sitting in the locker room at Leahs hockey practice chatting with a couple of other moms, one of whom I didnt know too well. I was telling a friend of mine a story about my chickens, and trying to fill in the pieces of the story for this new woman as I went. I realized as I was talking to her, trying to make everything make sense, that the way we do things and the way our life is probably isnt what its like for most other people (a fact I almost always forget because it is normal for us).
First we had to get through the fact that we have 4 children, all of them girls. This seems to boggle many people. But it's true. We do have 4 daughters. And I know that they are ours for a fact because I was there for all 4 births.
So we start with 4 daughters and then move onto the fact that we also have 2 dogs. But I must point out that I DO NOT do little purse dogs. If the dog could be mistaken for a cat or small rodent, it's probably not the dog for me. I go for big dogs. Dogs that cannot be mistaken for rodents and prompt calls to the Orkin Man. I like dogs who one day may be mistaken for rabid bears by whatever boys my all-too-beautiful daughters may bring home. So we have a german shepherd and a newfoundland.
Well Anna, you may say, that sounds like a full house!
But we do not stop there. I also have a 12 year old, cranky lovebird who does not like my husband at all (although I would like to say, that may have something to do with the fact that Justin does like to taunt him through his cage about how he is cageless and therefor superior.). Tex and I have been a team longer than I have known anyone else in my house.
We also have a sugar glider, making us (as far as I know anyway) the only family around living with a nocturnal marsupial. Google them. They are adorable, very easy to care for, and very fun to have around.
And lets not forget that last spring I decided we needed something more. So we cleaned out the old shed, made a few improvements to it and welcomed our flock of chickens. We started with 5 hens, but were down to 4 within 48 hours thanks to a hawk attack. So we added a rooster to help protect the flock and were back up to 5. Little did we know that we had opened the door to a new obsession for me and I quickly had us up to 12 at one point. But we are back at 5 now, thanks to illness, dog attack, cat attack, mysterious disappearances and the rehoming of too many males. Of course of the 5, only 3 are hens and none of them lay eggs....So we have a non-egglaying flock of chickens.
Once the poor unsuspecting individual processes all that, I can go on to tell them about all the other little things that go on in our life. For instance, in the fall Natalie does cross country and field hockey so she has practice in some form every day after school and on Sundays too. Then as that winds down, we start Odyssey of the Mind for both her and Leah. I coach both of their teams as well as coordinate the program for Raymond. So 2 nights a week we have meetings at our house in the evenings. Then 2 nights a week we are in Bridgton for Leahs hockey practices. And atleast once a weekend, but usually twice a weekend, we travel for her games. Speaking of hockey, we are big hockey fans in this house and season ticket holders for our beloved Portland Pirates so most weekends during hockey season we are in Portland atleast once for a game. And did I mention that I also opperate a small home daycare? At this point the person I am talking to is usually either A) backing slowly away from me with an odd look on their face or B) laughing  or C) shaking their head and wondering why we do it.
To most, this sounds like some weird zoo or some tv reality series gone awry. There are days when I think it is just way too much and we must be nuts to take it all on. However, there are many more days that leave me wishing the day would never end and I could hold on to it all forever. Itis our life and I love it just the way it is- crazy, busy, at times filled with stress, but always filled with love. I wouldnt have it any other way.

The end of the day

Today I had one of those days where I question my ability to parent. One of those days where it seemed no matter what I said or did, someone wasnt going to like it. Alyvia was determined to get into everything in the house and was going to throw a tantrum to end all tantrums when she didnt get her way. McKenzie had apparently decided that she no longer posessed the ability to speak and could only communicate by crying, whining, and making some strange squeeky-grunty noise. These 2 attitiudes, combined with a nagging headache, made for a very tense Mommy. By naptime I think I was already horse from yelling. Natalie and Leah were, thankfully, very helpful with the little ones today. They did their best to help keep everyone entertained and happy.
At the end of the day I find myself wondering if I am doing a good job as a Mom to all of my wonderful girls. They certainly deserve the very best, and I would never want to give them anything but that. But have I spread myself too thin? Do I yell at them too much? Do I expect too much from them? Am I causing them some sort of irreparable damage that will cause them to spend thousands of dollars and countless hours in therapy and make it impossible for them to ever have a truly meaningful relationship with anyone ever in their lives???? (Ok, that one might be a little extreme, but I am overtired and a worrier, so that is what you get when you combine those two things.)
But as I sit here watching McKenzie dance around the livingroom, Natalie lose herself in a book, and Alyvia throw dog food around the kitchen (*sigh* it cant all be serene) I realize that I have done the absolute best that I can do (no, I didn't forget Leah, she is at hockey practice). I have 4 amazing daughters, and wonderful relationships that are unique and genuine with each of those daughters. They are smart, honest, caring, thoughtful, funny, zany, silly girls that make me proud every single day. And I raised them to be that way (Well, Justin may have played a part in that somewhere, but that is for another blog). So I must be doing something right.
I think that every parent has those moments when they question, even if just for a moment, their ability to be the best parent all the time. I think that if we didn't then we wouldn't be giving our very best to our children. To question whether or not we are doing the best possible job, means that we care about that job and the outcome. For a parent to be worried about doing right by their children, that parent must care about their children, or else why would it matter?  So I think that it is in fact a very normal and healthy thing to question it. If you don't, it might be time to sit back and think about what you are doing.
I also think that we all have those days where nothing seems to go right, everyone around you seems ready to throw a temper tantrum, and everything that can possible stress you seems ready to pop up. But it is those days and those moments that make watching your little one dance in the livingroom, throw dog food, read a book, play hockey, or even just sleep all the sweeter. After all, if you never had any bad moments, you would never know how truly sweet the good ones are.

Passive aggressive dogs

Gala, my 12 yr old german shepherd, has some very passive aggressive tendencies. Most days they are minor things that I barely notice. But other days they are outright eye rolling teen-ish!
When she was younger and it was just her and I and the older girls and I would leave her home when we went out somewhere, I would come home to find that she had opened the dryer and stuffed clean laundry in her water dish. And I do mean she would stuff it- entire towels would be wadded up and stuck in her dish without even a corner sticking out.
A little while back I had taken her outside and after she was done, I put her inside and went back out to let the chickens out. When I came in my slippers had been mysteriously moved and Gala was grinning evilly at me (I swear). After looking around a bit I found my slippers off in a corner...delicately placed on a fresh pile of Gala poo.
I am sure everyone remembers the peeing on the bed incident that resulted in Justin and I spending the weekend sleeping on an air mattress.
Today I was cleaning my bedroom, trying to find the source of a mystery odor that I really wasn't too fond of. After searching just about everywhere I noticed my hockey skates sitting by the closet door, do I went to pick them up...and discovered that my passive aggressive dog had pooped IN them.

I wonder what I did to deserve that...

Just a Little Rant

Since starting this blog I have tried not to be overly whiney or complain too much. But lately in my life there has been a reoccuring event that I find very bothersome and just need to get it off my chest.
I try my best to be the kind of friend that is there for my friends when they need me. I like to make time to visit with my friends, help them when they need it, and do things for them even when they don't need it. If I offer to help with something or do something for someone, it is because I WANT to, not because I feel obligated to. I will admit, with a larger family like ours, I am probably not always the best at going to friends homes to visit, but everyone is always welcome in our home. I am sure there has been more than one occassion where I completely spaced some event that was important to someone. However, when that happens I try to get in touch with whomever it was that I let down and appologize profusely for my mistake. And I appologize if I have ever not followed through with something or not made you feel welcome.
Lately, it seems that I am finding more and more people in my life don't really hold these same beliefs in friendships and I have had countless incidents where friends have backed out, canceled without telling me, just not shown up, etc etc etc. I am getting really tired of the "I would have loved to have been there for you Anna, but something better came along....." routine. And these same people then expect me to drop whatever I have going on to be there for them when they need something.  Its as though I am just here to take care of them when they need it, like I don't spend enough of my days wiping butts and cleaning up someone elses spills...Please don't miss understand, I completely understand that sometimes things just come up, we all have busy schedules, etc. But when it happens EVERY time, or when no effort is made to let me know whats going on or worse when it a very lightly veiled attempt to hide the "I have something better to do", thats when I get mad.
Well, I think it is time for that to end. I have always tried to be a good friend to everyone, but it seems lately that some people have chosen to take advantage of that and too many of these friendships were, in fact, one sided. So to my true friends, thank you for being a part of my life and I hope you will continue to do so. And to those of you who view me as a doormat, I hope you enjoyed the ride, because that ship  has officially sailed. I will always welcome you into my life when you are truly looking for friendship, but until then I wish you the best.

And now I will step down off my soapbox...

Little Tails

Yesterday was, as always, filled with several very entertaining moments. But there was one in particular that I thought I would share.
Much of my days are spent changing diapers. 3 kids in diapers, 10 work hours, thats atleast 15 diapers during daycare hours. It's a pretty menial task now that doesn't require much thought at this point. Yesterday, while I was changing the youngest boy, Mckenzie came over chattering away as always. Only this time she happened to glance down as I removed the diaper. She stopped mid sentence "Mom, why does he have that little tail?"
I explained (or atleast tried to) that it was not a tail, but was what made him a boy. "But it will fall off when he gets bigger, right?"
"no Kenzie, it will stay with him forever"
"Ewww Mom, thats gross"

Guess I don't have to worry about her for a while longer!

And so it begins

This is the busy time of year for our family. EVERYTHING that we participate in starts between September and October, so we go from having plenty of free time to do whatever we want, to scheduling just about every minute of the day. What, you may ask, is it that has us so busy this time of year? Leah has started her 4th season of hockey (moving up from mites to squirts.....I swear that didn't make me tear up!!) with practices on Tuesday and Thursday nights (Thursday nights also happen to be manditory hockey mom night, YAY!) and games on either Saturday or Sunday. Justin helps out on the ice with Leah's team (and possibly McKenzies too). McKenzie starts her first season of hockey, a 4 week learn to play program, which meets for an hour on Saturdays. Natalie and Leah start Odyssey of the Mind, with team meetings for one on Monday and the other on Wednesdays. And oh yes, I coach both of their teams....and possibly one other...... and of course we have the families all time favorite past time- Portland Pirates hockey with games scattered throughout the week and weekends. You may think that last one is an optional thing, but you are wrong. In our house it is more like a religious movement. All major events are planned around the Pirates season- our wedding, for example, and the birth of our youngest 2 daughters. Of course, Alyvia didnt really cooperate. There was a whole weekend of away games that she could have been born on, but she had to wait around for a game filled weekend! It worked out though, Justin and the girls made the game the day after she was born, and the whole crew, Alyvia and myself included, made the game the day we were released from the hospital. Everyone has hockey game outfits- Justin and I wear jerseys, McKenzie and Alyvia wear their dresses I make for them each season, and Natalie and Leah have decided this season to break with tradition and wear whatever they want. Such rebelious girls.
All of this is in addition to school for the girls and work for Justin and I. So when I say almost every minute of the day is scheduled, I really do mean it! With everything going on, sometimes it gets to be a little overwhelming and we all have our moments of irritability, which usually result in everyone shouting it out, a few tears (Justin is such a cryer!), and then we move on.
This year we have learned a few tricks that have helped streamline the process. We make a menu for the entire month, breakfast lunch and dinner, so we know what to shop for, what needs to be cooked when, and everyone knows what to expect to eat (I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to not have to answer the "whats for dinner?" question a bazillion times a night. I just point at the menu and keep going!). The calendar hangs right in the kitchen where everyone can see exactly what is scheduled (or they would be able to, if I could just get better at writing everything down...) and everyone pitches in to help get things pulled together when its time to go (note: I never once claimed that this was done without a fair amount of grumbling). The major difference I see is that everyone just seems to know what to expect more, and that seems to make it go smoother.
So this year, as in every other year, we find ourselves running around crazy as usual and still just as happy as ever about it (even the grumpy pants, though he won't admit it!)

Vacation review

Today marks my first day back to work after over a week of vacation. I thought I would really dread getting up, getting ready and hearing the knock at the door this morning, but I guess the reality of it is that "vacation" and "work" aren't all that different when you are the mother of 4 and run a daycare. I think the one major difference is that I can't spend the day in my pj's on work days.

I can't say that we did anything really exciting or interesting over our little break, but we did get a lot done! The kitchen cabinets are all finished and look amazing! I got some Tastefully Simple stuff taken care of, did some curriculum planning, and hung out with my girls. On Thursday I took miss McKenzie and miss Alyvia into Portland to run some errands and we stopped in to watch the Pirates practice. McKenzie was so funny! She had to be down near the glass so she could see her buddy,Migor. However,  once she got down there she wandered back and forth using Caitlins signature hair twirl, pretending she didn't notice him. Every few minutes she would bound back up the stairs and ask me if he saw her. I was both amused and upset that my 4 year old daughter would be so interested in a boy already.
Thursday night found Justin and I pulling porcupine quills out of poor Gala's nose and face into the wee hours and again Friday morning. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love that dog and can imagine how much it was killing me to see her hurting. Somewhere in the middle of the night the combination of lack of sleep, stress, adreneline, and seeing my poor puppy in pain pushed me over the edge and I had a minor emotional breakdown. What fun. Gala is doing well now, the only sign of her scuffle is a little puffiness near one of her eyes.
Saturday we (finally!) got to see some hockey in Portland. Regardless of how the games end, I love going to see them! Its a great family activity for us (even if the older girls spend the whole time plugged in) and its a nice stress reliever for me. And since I generally like people and like to be around them, it is a great chance for me to get out and talk to other grownups and socialize in a way that doesn't bug the heck out of my husband (Justin sits and watches hockey, I watch hockey in between walking Alyvia around the lobby and chatting with whomever I run into).
Also this past week I decided my once wonderful language skills had been left to ruin for far too long and began the quest to relearn all that I have forgotten. I found that Spanish is still where I am strongest, Korean is still in there somewhere, and that my Russian skills are so sad it makes me want to cry. I also found that learning languages at 31 is no where near as easy as it was a 16. So I have been obssesively studying: making flashcards, watching videos, doing online courses. I HAVE to get these skills back!
Natalie had her final 2 cross country meets over my vacation so I was able to go see her run. It was amazing! She has definitely inherited her mothers flair for the dramatic, crossing the finish line in tears both times (thats my girl!).
And finally, Leah started her 4th season of hockey yesterday. Watching her skate, as we have every practice ad every game for each season, Justin turned to me and said "When did she learn to skate like that?" It seems our little girl isnt that same tiny little thing we first sent out on the ice having only ever skated twice before. She can hold her own out there now!

Chaos is King...and I like it that way!

In our house Chaos rules. It seems that no matter what we attempt or how well we try and plan, something always comes up and throws it all out the window.
For example, this weekend was all about chaos.
It started Friday night, around midnight. We had a house full of kids (our 4, plus 2 of Natalies friends) and had finally coaxed them into sleeping and were very ready to crawl into bed ourselves when we discovered that our darling Gala (the almost 12 year old german shepherd) had peed in our bed. And not just a little tinkle, it was like she had saved everything in her for a week and unleashed her bladder right in the middle of the bed. So a couple of hours and some steam cleaning later, Justin and I found ourselves sleeping on the airmattresss. The next morning we were suppposed to leave for Emilys baby shower (which started at 10) no later than 830 so we would have time to make a couple of stops and our guests were going to be picked up about the same time. But now we are working on just a few hours of very uncomfortable, Anna-was-only-willing-to-spend-$20-at-walmart airmattress sleep. Coffee is brewed as fast as possible. The girls seem to shed clothing and belonings in the middle of the floor and you can barely tell that the livingroom is not actually carpetted in clothing. There are cabinet doors still drying around the kitchen, a heaping pile of dishes await placement in the dishwasher and 6 children run around the house playing hide and seek and periodically eating. Alyvia has decided that since there are no cabinet doors between her and food she shall consume everythign in her reach and has a breakfast of cold pizza, animal crackers, pretzels, 2 bananas, and 1/2 a loaf of bread. Somewhere in here one of Natalies friends mom arrives to pick her up. Imagine what the scene must look like to this poor woman who has come to pick up her child. As we stand there, her all ready for her day and me in my pajamas with my hair still halfway up in a ponytail and pillow creases still in my face, Alyvia decides its time to feed the dogs. I help her scoop the food, but she misses the bowls and sends dog foor scattering around the floor and our friends feet. Her daughter comes down stairs, clean, happy, and well fed and they head out the door. A few minutes later the next mother arrives to similar chaos and claims her daughter as well. At this point we are well behind schedule. But somehow in the next 20 minutes we manage to get 4 kids and ourselves dressed and presentable and out the door.

I won't tell you about the trip to walmart. But let me say that it involved myself and 2 tour busses of technologically challenged elderly folks all attempting to use the photo machines.

This is the kind of chaos that can drive many people over the edge. Sometimes I am pretty sure my husband is one of those people. But it works for us. There is usually a fair ammount of chaos involved in everything that we do. We are usually late for things. There is usually a bit of yelling involved in getting us all out the door. And sometimes (ok, 90% of the time) when we finally get where we are going, McKenzie will announce that she doesnt have any underwear on (why do I never rememeber to check before we leave?!). But by the time we all get in the car, buckle up and drive off we are happy, chattering and looking presentable. Our house may never be picture perfect clean, but its generally tidy and somewhat maintained (i.e. no you will not have to sit in a pile of laundry, but there is a pile of laundry sitting in front the washer downstairs waiting its turn to be washed). The fridge is covered in school work, the calendar is covered in a plethora of activities, there are usually a few toys on the floor, the dishwasher is usually running, the washer does a couple of loads of laundry a day, and I am almost always asking someone to pick up their something that they left in the place it doesnt belong. But its all part of what makes our family tick.

I have often found myself feeling embarrassed by the state of my house when parents come to pick up their kids, or people drop by unexectedly. But I have recently decided that that is not ok. My children are happy, healthy, intelligent, well loved, well behaved children. Anyone who spends any time with them can tell you that they are bright, engaging, talkative, and humorous. So if you come to my house ready to take pictures for better homes and gardens, let me save you some time. There is no ammount of editting software that will make those pictures work for your magazine. But if you want to come over and feel relaxed and comfortable and have a nice home cooked meal and some good conversation, please stop by any time. We love guests and I love to feed people! And I wouldnt change a thing.

I owe Dave Ramsey an appology

If you could have been a fly on the wall 4 or 5 months ago, you would have seen a very different me. I couldnt sleep at night worrying about where the money was going to come from to pay the bills, I jumped every time someone pulled into the driveway thinking they were coming to take the car away. I kept all phones on silent so that I wouldnt have to face the dozens of bill collectors calling every day trying to get money from us. We played a constant game, trying to see which bill we could put off the longest before services would be shut off. If you have never lived in fear of the phone ringing or the car being repoed and how you would explain that to your children, you are in a very good place. And I would never wish those feelings on anyone! Its amazing how money can affect so many other aspects of your life if you don't know what you are doing with it. In short, we were a mess. Something had to change, that much was obvious. We were seriously considering bankruptcy and I was actively seeking out a bankruptcy lawyer that wouldnt rrob us blind of money we didnt have (WHY would they even try??? We were filing bankruptcy not do to an overload of money!). After talking a couple times with my cousin, Emily, about our situation I finally took her advice and looked up Dave Ramsey. He seemed too good to be true, but what did we have to lose? I bought his book and prepared to nag Justin into reading it. To my very pleasant surprise, my husband read it cover to cover in about 2 days. We talked about it a lot over the next few days and decided that Dave Ramseys methods made sense and we wanted to give it a try. We sat the kids down and talked with them about what it would mean for them, what our ultimate goals were, and what we needed to do to get there. Then Justin and I (ok,ok, mostly Justin...numbers and I truly do not mix) hashed out a budget and rolled up our sleeves and made cuts where we could. The hardest cut we made was cutting out our season tickets to the Pirates. It was so upsetting to me! I couldn't even look at their webpage without crying, forget talking about the new organization etc. Over the next couple of months we learned how to make and stick to a budget. We started making a monthly menu for all meals, doing very planned shopping trips WITH a list, and every last penny was assigned to something...It was going great! But there were definitely moments where I felt like I was going to lose it. And I am pretty sure there was a time or 2 where I said some not so nice things about Mr. Ramsey and his budgets.

2 months after we started following Dave Ramseys methods, the bill collectors have stopped calling. All of our bills are paid on time, and some of them even early! It is an AMAZING feeling to not jump when a car pulls into the driveway. It is even better turning the ringer back on on the phone watching the girls run to answer it when it rings and not having to tell them to leave it alone.

3 months after we started following Dave Ramseys methods we purchased 1/2 season tickets to our beloved Portland Pirates with money that we actually have. And I was hit with the stunning realization that this really does work. Its going to take perserverance, focus, determination, cooperation, and a whole lot more, but we really ARE going to get there.  I cannot tell you how much fun it was to sit the girls down and tell them we got our tickets back.

And now to Mr. Ramsey-
I appologize for all the mean things I said to you and about you under my breath. They were uncalled for and definitely misplaced. And I thank you so much for showing us not just the light at the end of the tunnel, but also the path we must take to get there. Thank you for teaching us that we have to "live like no one else, so later we can live like no one else."

Why do all my stories involve poop?

In our house any conversation that starts with "Mom, I need to show you something" is almost guaranteed to 1) end badly for me and 2) be entertaining for others.

This morning, for example, I heard "Mom, I need to show you something..." from McKenzie. I grabbed my coffee cup, chugged the last few sips and went out into the livingroom to see what horrors awaited me. I found McKenzie, naked, on the stairs.
"Mom, there's poop on my butt"
"How did you get poop on your butt? Did you just go potty?"
"I dont know, it just got there. I didn't go potty"
"Then how did it get there McKenzie?"
"There's also some on my leg.........and on my shirt............and right there on the stairs...........Oh, and a little on my foot................Mom, you should probably clean that mess up!"


And that, my friends, is how my morning has gone. I think I need to make some more coffee.....

The weekend in review

I have been suffering severe bloggers block lately. My husband even managed to write a blog and I still havent been able to find the inspiration (my husband, who thinks that participating in a conversation means inserting a grunt every once in a while). I mentioned this to my husband. His response was "I don't know whats so hard about it. You just write about what happens in our lives, so write." Thank you, oh master of the written word.

Anyway, its Monday and like half the world, I am wondering where the heck the weekend went! Friday night I had a Tastefully Simple party with the lovely Katie Larsen and I left the family expecting some cleaning and prep to get done for McKenzies birthday party the following day. I got back home a little before 930pm to find that our darling Patriarch had decided that this would be the perfect time to take down some cabinet doors and drawer fronts, bring up some sandpaper and paint, and work on refinishing some of the kitchen cabinets. When I asked if that was really such a good idea, the response I received was "what?". Awesome. (On a side note, the cabinets do look a thousand times better... just don't tell Justin I said so.)

McKenzies birthday party was on Saturday and it went great. She turned 4 in July, but we just now found the time to have her birthday party. It was a "Falala" themed party, which most people had no idea of.  Falala is a magical kingdom ruled by King Daddy and Queen Mommy and their 4 lovely daughters- Princess Natalie, Princess Leah, Princess McKenzie and Princess Alyvia. It is a place full of tiny Snosh that bring good dreams, fish that sing lullabies to the Princesses to help them sleep, big smelly misunderstood trolls, sparkling ponies, and tickley lakes. Its a bunch of stories I started telling McKenzie a while back and have just now started to write down for the family to have. Maybe someday if I ever finish one, I will post it for everyone to read.

We have also been nursing an injured chicken back to health (of course!). She is one of the favorites of the kids. McKenzie and Mikey like to carry her around when we are outside and play "house" with her. Unfortunately for her she happened to be crossing the yard at the same time to dogs were running around and Calypso ran her over, resulting in an unknown injury to her leg. So of course we have to fix her up! She has been in isolation for a fewe days now and, since we knew she must be cold and lonely, she spent much of yesterday wrapped in a blanket, being held by various children or sleeping on the bed while we cleaned and did laundry. Then she had a bath in the bath tub. That's right, I said it. I bathed my chicken in the bath tub. I'm totally normal.

And just one more thing- I got new boots.

The Patriarch Speaks

So I have hijacked Anna's blog, I figured its life with the Keeney's...well we're the Keeney's cos of me. For those of you who know me, and for those of you who don't, I don't talk a whole lot. It takes me a while to be around people before I'm able to open up and start talking. When I get to that point most people wish I would stop talking. So in saying that I wish to share something with everyone, something that only a few people know about. For the past 15 months I have been on antidepressants, today I am off. It hasn't been very long, not even a week yet, but so far I'm feeling good. So how did I get to this point? Could you have been a fly on the wall last year you wouldn't have seen me, not the real me atleast. I was there but not really there. It wasn't until it began to affect my family that I finally noticed. I went to my doctor he diagnosed me with depression and so I became medicated. I had to take a pill to allow me to enjoy my family, kind of sad. Along with the meds I also started going to a therapist. Without boring you to much, my problems go back a ways and its something I'm starting to deal with. (If Anna says I'm not, shes full of crap) So where does this leave me? Well for now I'm enjoying my family and I'm actually here while I'm doing it. I am a little worried that I'll slip back into a funk and have to be medicated. I know however that I have a wonderful wife that will help me no matter what.

On a side note, the title reads "The Patriarch Speaks" Before you laugh, I know I have no control in this house what-so-ever. At 12:30 in the morning however, nobody is awake to argue.

Growing Pains

This week has been a difficult one for me. Natalie and Leah both went back to school this week (6th and 4th grade) and I find myself reflecting, probably more often than I should, on their younger days. I remember the beautiful, curly pigtails I used to love to put in their hair and sitting on the floor of their room playing Barbies and My Little Ponies with them. I remember the way they smelled right after bath time as they sat falling asleep in my lap. I remember the day tiny little Leah, less than 2 years old at the time, let herself out of the house one day because, in her words, she wanted to go to the "fry-fry store" (the McDonalds sign was visible from our house). I remember Natalie figuring out that if she pulled out the drawers just right she could climb to the top of the refridgerator and finding her smiling down from the top. Then there was the time that Natalie, Leah, and my friend Suzzies daughter, Katie, got into a huge argument over who was going to dance with Eric....the prince they had imagined in their game. I remember driving on the way to Natalies 5th birthday party and she picked up my book that I had left in the backseat- The DaVinci Code. She asked me if she could read it. I responded that I would give her a dollar if she could read me one sentence from the book. Natalie proceeded to read me a whole paragraph before I stopped her and told her she won. And I remember every time I have brought Leah swimming, seeing her little lips turn purple as she stubbornly insists that she is not cold and she can keep swimming. But my best memories are always the ones that involve the hugs and the snuggles. They have always been the best at both of those things and there is nothing quite like the feeling of receiving a hug from your own child. Not a quick little squeeze, but a true hug. They are so filled with pure, complete love... It is impossible for me to try and explain it. There is not a single thing in the world that compares to the love of your child when they are little and you are their whole world. It is such an amazing, all filling thing. It is the driving force behind everything I do. And it makes everything ok. I may have the worst day ever, but if I can end the day with one of my little girls arms wrapped around my neck, then I know that I can get through another day and that everything will be ok.
As I look at these 2 girls, growing more beautiful and amazing with every passing day I find myself filled with such conflicting emotions. Of course, there is the obvious pride I have for them. They are amazing people and anyone who is lucky enough to sit down with them and really get to know either of them will find themselves in for something truly special. And love. I never, ever truly understood that word until I held them. Nothing ever meant anything until they came to be. It was as if all of the sudden, I suddenly understood why I am here and what I am supposed to do. And I am excited, as I get to watch them grow and blossom and become the amazing women I know they will some day be- full of love and laughter and hope. There is joy as I learn how our mother/daughter relationship changes and grows and we become closer and talk about more things.
But there is also a sense of sadness and I think I finally understand what the hardest part of being a parent is. Its the sadness- the letting go and watching them go out into the world without you. The loneliness of an empty hand that was once filled with their tiny little one. The ache to feel those little arms around your neck and feel that pure, absolute love once more. The quiet of a bedroom where you used to play Barbies, when they are off with friends. The twinge of pain as you hear them whisper secrets to their friends that they used to share only with you. The heart-wrenching, gut twisting fear that is there as you step back and let them go to make their own way in the world (even if it is just a little bit at a time) where you can't protect them and keep them safe.
So I sit here, covering the keyboard in tears as I think about my little babies growing up and taking on the world. But I know that every single moment of it is worth it and the world is a much better place because Natalie, Leah, McKenzie and Alyvia are part of it.

Basic training

Right after I graduated high school I found myself to be a bit directionless. I was doing Tae Kwon Do 8+ hours a day with a wonderful instructor who seemed to understand that I wasn't sure what I was doing. It took me a couple of months to realize that that wasn't going to work as a long term plan and so I wandered into the military recruiters office one day. The first person that spoke with me was the US Air Force recruiter, and I was hooked. I left for basic training just a few weeks later.

Not long into basic, I met and became fast friends with my flight leader, Lori Richmond. Lori was quiet, friendly, had a ready smile, and never hesutated to help anyone. And she knew what she was doing when it came to everything in basic training. I have never known anyone with such tenacity, drive,  pride, and lack of fear! Everything she did, she did 110%. I remember several nights the 2 of us stayed up all night long, pulling guard duty for all the members of our flight so they could sleep and we could shine their boots and get uniforms inspection ready. We would smuggle kitkats in during the day, tucked inside our sports bras, then hide them inside the ceiling panels to snack on at night while we worked (I admit, I may have been more guilty of this than Lori. I am, after all, a horrible chocoholic!). I have never had as much fun shining boots as I did with Lori! My goodness, we would laugh so hard those nights (probably caused by a mix of the events of the day and the lack of sleep)! But no matter what, Lori always got the work done, done better than the rest, and would always help anyone (and quite often EVERYONE) along the way. She was definitely someone who adheared to the idea of no man left behind (I know, I know, thats not the Air Force!).
I remember about halfway through basic they diagnosed her with Anemia and it would cause her severe migraines. Anyone who has migraines knows that they are hell. Anyone who has had migraines while in basic training knows exactly what Lori was dealing with- absolute, total misery. But Lori's pride and determination kicked in. She refuses to tell our ti's what was going on and muscled her way through. I remember partnering with her on the obstacle course and getting so mad at her because she just kept pushing herself! She was really hurting! She had a legitimate excuse and she wouldn't use it. And yet we had some girls whining because they got splinters or got too dirty (for the record, those girls didn't make it through). But that was Lori- commit to something, give every ounce of yourself to see it through, and don't give up til you finish.

Lori and I lost touch for a few years after leaving tech school (where she was, of course, a squad leader for the newbies, top of her class etc etc etc). She tracked me down a couple of years ago on Facebook and she is the same Lori I have always known. Except this time she is fighting an even bigger fight. Lori has cancer. She has been fighting it for a couple of years now and in true Lori style she is fighting hard. This past weekend she was readmitted to the hospital and needed blood. They didn't have enough to give her due to low donations, but managed to give her 1 bag. She was blessed and after a rough couple of nights she is doing better. But she still has a long fight ahead of her.
Please, take the 1/2 hour it takes to give blood. Make sure Lori, and everyone in her situation, has a fighting chance. Please.

The season without tickets

We successfully made through our very first weekend of our Total Money Makeover. Its a big deal for us because we are very guilty of compulsive spending on the weekends. A quick trip to Walmart to grab an item forgotten while grocery shopping can quickly turn into a $100+ shopping trip for things we feel we have to have. But this weekended, with a budget and a plan in place, we didn't spend all kinds of money. We even found we had enough money to pay the appropriate bills.
The downside is that in doing the budget and setting some long term goals we have decided that we cannot renew our Pirates season tickets this year. As a mother, this is very hard for me. This is something our family has been doing since we moved to Maine 5 years ago. Many of our memories that we all look back on and talk about most often are from hockey games or hockey related events. So many of our friends (and over half of the guest list for Mackenzie's birthday party!) are friends we have made at hockey games. McKenzie was just over 2 months old at her first hockey game (she was born in the off season), and Alyvia was there the day they released us from the hospital. So Pirates hockey is a big deal for us. When it came time to tell everyone the decision, they took it like champs. Disappointed, yes of course! But something we will all figure out how to deal with. I however, feel like I have taken something very important from everyone. I feel like there will be a whole season of memories we will be missing out on.
The reality is that it will be OK. This is a decision that had to be made to help us reach our bigger goal that will make for an even happier family and will be worth it in the end. So even though we may have to cut some of our hobbies for now, the truth is we will eventually have them back and then some when we finally achieve our goals. If I can keep telling myself that, and as long as my wonderful husband helps to remind me of that, I think we will do just fine.

This is what its like...

I can't tell you how many times people ask me what its like at our house or in a family our size (disclaimer: I really don't think our family is that big. We know several families larger than ours. But for whatever reason we seem to draw a crowd. We actually had someone stop as we were walking into the store a couple of weeks ago and exclaim "look at those girls!" As she pointed us out to her family/friends.). So here's a little snippet of what its like at our house:
Its just around 1130 and I am getting lunch in the oven. The kids are playing a game in the livingroom with both dogs lying around there as well. Justin is in the basement working on painting the cabinets. Its nice and calm and quiet. Everyone's happy... just as I slide lunch into the oven I hear a shriek and someone hollar "Nooooooo!" I run into the livingroom to see: the baby covered head to toe in poop, one child holding one dog by the collar, one child standing on the couch, and one child centimeters away from stepping in more poop. "Nobody move!!! What is going on?!" I ask them. 
I promptly receive 3 answers at once. Baby gets brought into bathtub, Daddy gets called up from basement, kids get moved into the other room so Daddy can steam clean the carpet, dogs are shuttled outside. And it all happens in just a few seconds.
Then the happy calm returns.
I like to think we are just your average family, with a little extra chaos sprinkled in for fun.

Oh, and by the way, the sequence of events I have found out went something like this: dog started pooping in the house, kid 1 yelled "Nooooo!" and tried to stop the dog But grabbing its collar. While she was doing that, baby thought poop looked like a great toy. Kid 2 thought the whole thing was disgusting and shrieked and jumped onto the couch while kid 3 was attempting to traverse the mine covered livingroom to get me, almost stepping in it on her way.

I hate (and love) Dave Ramsey

Its no secret to anyone who has known me for a long time that numbers are not my strong suit. So when it comes to finances I have always used the "ignorance is bliss" method. You know, where I chug happily along pretending everything is fine but when it comes time to pay bills I am a nervous wreck then once the bills are paid I return to my financial ignorance and carry on same as always. You can imagine how well that has worked for me.
So my husband and I finally decided (both of us at the same time even!!) that enough is enough, this isn't working, we are barely treading water, time to change.
Enter Mr. Dave Ramsey. I downloaded his book on our kindle apps and we both started reading. I have never seen my husband blow through a book so fast!! So now we are gearing up and getting ready for our Total Money Makeover. And I have decided that I both hate and love Mr. Ramsey. I hate him for taking away my blissful ignorance and my excuses. I love him for taking away my blissful ignorance and excuses and teaching us that there is a way out and how to get there. Its going to be a rough road ahead for sure, but we'll get there!

Things they dont tell you about pregnancy, labor, and motherhood

My cousin Emily is expecting her first baby (a boy!) in a couple of months And I keep thinking of all the random things I think she should know that nobody ever told me.
So here is my list of random tidbits in random order:
-being pregnant can be kinda sucky. Don't get me wrong, its totally worth it. But not everyone is a happy, glowing, "this is such a beautiful experience" kind of pregnant lady. And that is OK. Swelling in odd places, the inability to do simple things (you know, tie your own shoes, bend at the waist, go 10 minutes without needing to pee) can make for a grouchy person.
-sometimes when you are in labor you will throw up. Not from excruciating pain or anything like that, just because that's what your body does at that moment.
- breastfeeding hurts. Atleast for the first week or two. But it gets better and stops hurting and really is doable.
- the first time your baby poops, it will look like tar and may scare you if you don't expect it. That may not be a surprise to anyone, but when. I had my first daughter I did not k ow this and really thought I had damaged her internally. But it is normal and OK and goes away in a diaper or two.
- when it comes time to buy baby cereal, get the Gerber rice cereal, not beechnut. It has a much better consistency.
- your baby will eventually get into everything. No matter what you do, how you baby proof, or how prepared you are. And they will put it in their mouth. My oldest daughter, at 18 months figured out how to get on top of the refrigerator by pushing a stool over to the drawers,  undoing the child locks, arranging the drawers as stairs  and then climbing on top of the microwave.  All on the 30 seconds it took me to pee (which, I might add, you learn to do extremely quickly!)
- another thing about breastfeeding, you will leak at really weird times. Like if you laugh to hard, or look at your baby and realize how much you love him/her, or if you are at the store and hear another child laugh or cry. The lansinoh pads are the way to go.

OK, that's all the random info i can come up with for now. But knowing me, I will remember more later...

Crazy chicken lady

My husband thinks I might be turning into a crazy chicken lady. We currently have 10 chickens- 3 full grown hens, a full grown rooster, a pair of cochin approx 10 weeks old, and 4 3 week old chicks (one of whom I suspect is a roo). Just because he comes home from work and I am sitting in the yard with chickens in my lap, or because the babies cry every night starting around 530 until I go and pick them up, does not make me a crazy chicken lady. I prefer to look at it more as I am raising healthy, happy chickens who in turn provide our family with healthy food. Much better than the mass produce chicken factories most people get their eggs from.
But, I have been seen walking around with a chicken or 2 perched on my shoulder... Maybe that has something to do with it.

One hot week

What a week! In a state where we think its beach weather when the thermometer reads 55, dealing with multiple 90 degree days was rough. The kids toughed it out much better than Justin and I did and I have no trouble admitting I was one whiney baby through it all.
The family is currently on our first camping adventure this weekend. So far, its going great. But take a minute to picture us: 2 adults, 4 kids, a german shepherd and a newfoundland sharing a tent. We are a traveling circus.

A little bit country

A few months ago, stuff went south fast financially speaking and I had to figure out a way to cut costs around here. The first things that went were frilly things- cable, internet, etc. but it was still tight. After some research we brought home a few hens to provide us with eggs (I know, I know who adds more mouths to feed when things are tight already? Those that know me will immediately tell you I do!). We were chugging along, barely treading water, and I was noticing how good it made me feel to raise the hens and know that I was, atleast in a tiny way, helping with the family budget. That got the wheels in my head turning and I decided to try a couple other things. I made my own laundry detergent, and then my own dish detergent. So cheap and easy to do AND they work great! Since those experiments I have discovered cleaning with distilled vinegar (seriously, it cleans everything! Clothes, carpets, toilets, tarnished metal, dishes....) And today made my first batch of regular dish soap. We planted a very small (and somewhat unsuccessful) veggie garden and plan to can/freeze whatever we can. I make all our own bread (definitely need to keep practicing that one) and all our pasta. Plans are in the works next year to expand and upgrade the veggie garden and also try our hand at raising meat birds.
This all sounds very old- fashioned and country to my "city girl" ears. But it has seriously cut back our spending! And it makes me feel so good to know that I can do it and that my girls are benefitting from it. Might be a little bit "country", but just wait til we can afford a few acres and see what I can do!

A little about me...

Before I jump into the world of blogging, I thought I might get my feet wet with a little background info on myself and my family.
My name is Anna. I am married to Justin, mother to Natalie, Leah, McKenzie and Alyvia. We have a german shepherd (Gala) who is 11, a newfoundland (Calypso) who is 1, a sugarglider named Mantaquilla, an 11yr old lovebird named Tex, 3 hens, 1 rooster, and 4 chicks (it was 5, but thats for another post....). As you can see, we are a big family with a lot going on! What follows will be the ongoing antics, heartaches, triumphs and everything in between of life with the Keeneys!