Yes, it's true. I am an evil mother. Atleast according to my children. I am full of rotten deeds, like making them shower, brush their teeth and go to bed at an hour that will ensure they get an adequate amount of sleep. Some nights I even make everyone sit at the dinner table, AT THE SAME TIME, and eat all together and talk to each other. But my ne'er-do-well ways dont end there! I also break up arguements, punish them when they do things that they have known for years that they are not allowed to do (ie- "hey, I am mad at my sister, I think I should punch her."), and try to make sure they have something to eat for dinner every night (the evil part of this one- I dont always serve everyone favorite dish every night! Sometimes there are things on their plate they don't like.....so I ask them to just leave it and keep their oppinions to themselves! MUAHAHAHAH!!!!!). I am sure that my evilness is causing them years and years of trauma and that some day they will have to invest thousands of dollars in therapy because their wicked mother wouldnt allow them to sign up for too many extracurricular activities so that they wouldnt wear themselves out and miss out on the limited amount of time they have to just be kids. And they will pour their hearts out to said therapist, weeping about how awful it was to be forced to play outside, without ANY electronic devices, every summer. They will lament the time spent without cable TV because Mommy Dearest wanted them to actually interact and do something useful with their brains instead of letting them rot watching episode after episode of Disney shows that stress to young girls how important it is to have the biggest, nicest, newest stuff so that you can be a better person.
But what would happen if they saw all the evilness that goes on behind the scenes? I mean, many of my best evil work is a result of extensive planning! Those dinners they are fed so evilly every night? Those are the result of a carefully planned menu, done monthly and a few well-orchestrated grocery shopping trips (and how I love those! Is there anything more enriching then spending 2-3 hours in an over crowded walmart with hundreds of strangers, digging through poorly stocked shelves?! HEAVEN!). Not to mention the time I actually spend cooking those meals- stirring, seasoning, baking...all while laughing at the genius of its sheer evility!! And to make sure I am able to punish everyone with showers sufficiently, I have to make sure not everyone takes a shower on the same night or at the same time. To ensure that everyone has their proper dose of warm water, I make sure they spread those showers out throughout the day (SOOO MEAN!!!!!).
Gosh, with all my evil, mean, nastiness, how will my poor children ever survive?
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