The end of the day

Today I had one of those days where I question my ability to parent. One of those days where it seemed no matter what I said or did, someone wasnt going to like it. Alyvia was determined to get into everything in the house and was going to throw a tantrum to end all tantrums when she didnt get her way. McKenzie had apparently decided that she no longer posessed the ability to speak and could only communicate by crying, whining, and making some strange squeeky-grunty noise. These 2 attitiudes, combined with a nagging headache, made for a very tense Mommy. By naptime I think I was already horse from yelling. Natalie and Leah were, thankfully, very helpful with the little ones today. They did their best to help keep everyone entertained and happy.
At the end of the day I find myself wondering if I am doing a good job as a Mom to all of my wonderful girls. They certainly deserve the very best, and I would never want to give them anything but that. But have I spread myself too thin? Do I yell at them too much? Do I expect too much from them? Am I causing them some sort of irreparable damage that will cause them to spend thousands of dollars and countless hours in therapy and make it impossible for them to ever have a truly meaningful relationship with anyone ever in their lives???? (Ok, that one might be a little extreme, but I am overtired and a worrier, so that is what you get when you combine those two things.)
But as I sit here watching McKenzie dance around the livingroom, Natalie lose herself in a book, and Alyvia throw dog food around the kitchen (*sigh* it cant all be serene) I realize that I have done the absolute best that I can do (no, I didn't forget Leah, she is at hockey practice). I have 4 amazing daughters, and wonderful relationships that are unique and genuine with each of those daughters. They are smart, honest, caring, thoughtful, funny, zany, silly girls that make me proud every single day. And I raised them to be that way (Well, Justin may have played a part in that somewhere, but that is for another blog). So I must be doing something right.
I think that every parent has those moments when they question, even if just for a moment, their ability to be the best parent all the time. I think that if we didn't then we wouldn't be giving our very best to our children. To question whether or not we are doing the best possible job, means that we care about that job and the outcome. For a parent to be worried about doing right by their children, that parent must care about their children, or else why would it matter?  So I think that it is in fact a very normal and healthy thing to question it. If you don't, it might be time to sit back and think about what you are doing.
I also think that we all have those days where nothing seems to go right, everyone around you seems ready to throw a temper tantrum, and everything that can possible stress you seems ready to pop up. But it is those days and those moments that make watching your little one dance in the livingroom, throw dog food, read a book, play hockey, or even just sleep all the sweeter. After all, if you never had any bad moments, you would never know how truly sweet the good ones are.

Passive aggressive dogs

Gala, my 12 yr old german shepherd, has some very passive aggressive tendencies. Most days they are minor things that I barely notice. But other days they are outright eye rolling teen-ish!
When she was younger and it was just her and I and the older girls and I would leave her home when we went out somewhere, I would come home to find that she had opened the dryer and stuffed clean laundry in her water dish. And I do mean she would stuff it- entire towels would be wadded up and stuck in her dish without even a corner sticking out.
A little while back I had taken her outside and after she was done, I put her inside and went back out to let the chickens out. When I came in my slippers had been mysteriously moved and Gala was grinning evilly at me (I swear). After looking around a bit I found my slippers off in a corner...delicately placed on a fresh pile of Gala poo.
I am sure everyone remembers the peeing on the bed incident that resulted in Justin and I spending the weekend sleeping on an air mattress.
Today I was cleaning my bedroom, trying to find the source of a mystery odor that I really wasn't too fond of. After searching just about everywhere I noticed my hockey skates sitting by the closet door, do I went to pick them up...and discovered that my passive aggressive dog had pooped IN them.

I wonder what I did to deserve that...

Just a Little Rant

Since starting this blog I have tried not to be overly whiney or complain too much. But lately in my life there has been a reoccuring event that I find very bothersome and just need to get it off my chest.
I try my best to be the kind of friend that is there for my friends when they need me. I like to make time to visit with my friends, help them when they need it, and do things for them even when they don't need it. If I offer to help with something or do something for someone, it is because I WANT to, not because I feel obligated to. I will admit, with a larger family like ours, I am probably not always the best at going to friends homes to visit, but everyone is always welcome in our home. I am sure there has been more than one occassion where I completely spaced some event that was important to someone. However, when that happens I try to get in touch with whomever it was that I let down and appologize profusely for my mistake. And I appologize if I have ever not followed through with something or not made you feel welcome.
Lately, it seems that I am finding more and more people in my life don't really hold these same beliefs in friendships and I have had countless incidents where friends have backed out, canceled without telling me, just not shown up, etc etc etc. I am getting really tired of the "I would have loved to have been there for you Anna, but something better came along....." routine. And these same people then expect me to drop whatever I have going on to be there for them when they need something.  Its as though I am just here to take care of them when they need it, like I don't spend enough of my days wiping butts and cleaning up someone elses spills...Please don't miss understand, I completely understand that sometimes things just come up, we all have busy schedules, etc. But when it happens EVERY time, or when no effort is made to let me know whats going on or worse when it a very lightly veiled attempt to hide the "I have something better to do", thats when I get mad.
Well, I think it is time for that to end. I have always tried to be a good friend to everyone, but it seems lately that some people have chosen to take advantage of that and too many of these friendships were, in fact, one sided. So to my true friends, thank you for being a part of my life and I hope you will continue to do so. And to those of you who view me as a doormat, I hope you enjoyed the ride, because that ship  has officially sailed. I will always welcome you into my life when you are truly looking for friendship, but until then I wish you the best.

And now I will step down off my soapbox...